Romance Writer Peak Experience

I write romances and romantic erotica. It probably won’t astonish anyone to hear I’m a sucker for a happily-ever-after ending.

So I have to say it totally made my weekend to spend part of it brainstorming with my friends Random aka the Housegeek and Heather aka Wondie (jeweler extraordinaire) about their upcoming wedding. They set the date at our dining room table, folks. They’re using our big backyard to host the nuptial party, a delightful symmetry, because ten years ago this June, Random was one of the officiants at our wedding, in that very backyard. We love Random very much, and while we haven’t known Wondie for nearly as long–just over a year as opposed to nearly 20 years–she’s quickly fit in with the family.

Random is not blood family, but he is family of the heart, so in effect when he gets married I’m gaining a sister-in-law, a wacky, creative sister-in-law who makes jewelry and loves music and completely gets it when I have to hide in my office working on edits on a weekend.

What is it about a wedding that makes people grin like fools or get teary-eyed? It’s the standard, cliche ending of the genre in which I write and even those of us who love romance novels make jokes about the mandatory HEA–but we still root for them to happen. And much as snarky columnists like to dismiss romances and the yearning for that happy ending as the province of the undereducated housewife (those columnists should meet some of the “undereducated housewives” I’ve known, who’d flatten the condescending bastards with frying pans, trample them with common sense, and then put them out with the rest of the compost), it’s more general than that.

People are suckers for the idea of a love that lasts forever.

Why else would same-sex marriage have become one of the major civil rights issues of our time? People want the right to their own happy ever after. (I know the generally wise Kristin Lamb advises writers against getting too political, but if you’re read any of my work, you’ve figured out I’m an equal opportunity kind of gal I support every adult’s right to love as they will, as long as everyone involved is consenting, and to get married if it’s right for him/her/zir.)

On a lighter note, why else do people watch shows like The Bachelor, or get up at the crack of dawn to watch a royal wedding?

Face it, a lot of us can’t resist for the dream of happy ever after.

Even if our personal style is more black leather than white lace. Or, in my case, more colorful brocade and Cavalier boots than either.

Even if the wedding industry and the over-the-top trappings make some of us wince because we can’t imagine spending that much on anything that doesn’t have a kitchen, two bathrooms, and half an acre of arable land.

Even if we’re inclined to polyamoury so the “forsaking all others” part of a traditional western marriage is an alien concept, much as the commitment appeals. (I wrote Lions’ Pride and Foxes’ Den, after all, and yes, in an ideal world, I think any number of consenting adults who want to get married should be able to do so–although I suppose the paperwork and the tax complications would be hell!)

Even if we know that about half the time, the happily ever after doesn’t work out so happily or so ever after.

And even individuals who aren’t looking for a committed relationship for themselves tend to get a little thrill when one of their friends meets someone special.

I wasn’t one of those little girls who sketched wedding dresses and fantasized about a dream wedding. But I did dream about being with someone, married or not, who would be there through thick and thin, who’d love me books and all, who’d grow old with me. I had no faith it would ever happen, mind you. I just hoped.

I found that person. It took us years to decide to get married, but we made the commitment to forever a long time before we did. We’re private people, but eventually we decided we wanted a wedding as a public symbol of our commitment–not to mention a hell of a party.

And I get a lot of joy when I see people setting off on the same journey, especially people who make each other glow like our friends are glowing these days. Especially people who nurture each other’s dreams. Especially people smart enough to know some parts of the road are going to be rocky, but as long as you’re walking those rough parts together, it’s easier.

Phyllis Siegel, 77,  and Connie Kopelov, 85, just after getting  to say “I do” legally at last. I tear up every time I see this picture. (What, you expected some chicklet in a white fluffy dress?)

So what about you? Do you get teary eyed at weddings and “happily ever after”? Or are you the more cynical type?